i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
