i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's great music for shaving your balls
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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