I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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