I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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