he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
