Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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