You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
