now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
