nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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