thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
