So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
