I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
