Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
