I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
