I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
