Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
