I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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