I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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