Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
