so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
