I checked into jail on foursquare
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
