WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
