when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
