but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
