I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
