fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
