Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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