Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
