Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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