what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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