Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
