You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
