i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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