That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
