I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
