guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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