Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
