And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
