they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
