you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm like, not good at living.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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