i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
