kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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