I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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