Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
