WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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