I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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