The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
