Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
