Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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