she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
