The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
