Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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