Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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