I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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