Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
