The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
