haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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