ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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