it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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