it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
