why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
