He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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