I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
