What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
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She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Im part way to drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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