yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
