Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
