Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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