I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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